I am not sure how it is that my fingers brought me to this place this night but here I am. I am not sure if I will stay - but in finding it again and reading through this and that I want to wave. In a small and superficial way commemorate this return and retrospection.

Date:	2007-04-06 11:24
Subject:	Spring Break
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

Well, it is Friday of my Spring Break Week -- what I have done this week I don't really know. But it was nice. I didn't really go anywhere or do anything. Spent some time with my roommate’s family who came to visit, I did taxes in four states which was interesting watched some TV read, took a Praxis exam and was pleased and generally melancholy at the same time. Now I have to start thinking about that job that I must continue doing next week. I like the idea of teaching and some of the peripheral aspects but not the day to day. Is that the case for all jobs or just ones that aren't right for you? This is the question that I am grappling with at the moment.

Date:	2007-03-04 10:38
Subject:	My House
Security:	Public
Mood:	good

I am very lucky here in my house -- in the finding of it and who I live with and how close it is to my school given the whole Philly move. I realize, however, so many people have not see my house and I should not expect a trip so I will send images to all of you so you can know a bit better where it is that I am.( Read more... )

Date:	2007-03-04 10:20
Subject:	Nothing Major
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent

I realized I had not put up the pictures of my classroom so I am going to do it now for all those people who have not seen where I spend most of my time.( Read more... )

I have not posted since the new year and it is something that with many good reasons I have not been able to do but at the same moment something that I feel as if I am losing out on. There is so much that happens each day I work harder and learn more about this crazy sud-oadult world that I am trying to live in. All of the kids that I see each day are becoming more full and complete people in my heads with each day which makes my job harder and easier at the same time. I am able to think about what one group of kids might like over another because of who they are and what I have learned about them. But at the same time I am even more willing to make an exception (something I should never do). Like this week I had to turning grades for the second marking period three weeks early with little notice! So I failed almost no one. Well, Just those kids who hadn’t failed the first marking period. But the way that I reconciled this horrid grade inflation was that all those kids will have to attend after school tutoring until they are carrying a 70% in my class. We will see if I can handle this or what I need to do but it should prove to be interesting. Speaking of my classroom I realize that many of you have never seen where I spend most hours of my day and so here are two pictures of what my classroom looks like in general.

Date:	2006-11-20 22:40
Subject:	Down
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

I need to be writing and finalizing my lesson plan for tomorrow grading the tests that I didn’t grade this weekend figure out what assignments I can give to a few kids that came to me after school but I am too disorganized and scattered to get them what they need. But instead I listened to a radio program (while trying to do some and or all of this unsuccessfully). This program was all about the joy and purpose of TFA. While good and very true to why on some level I joined this program at the same moment it was very hard to listen to. I do stay late and come early but I am not making the gains that they speak of. I am trying to be positive with my kids at all times and telling them what it is that they can do and what it is that they need to do because I know they can! But I am not. I do not really have relationships with my kids I am not that open with them or willing to give them everything, or at least that is the way that it feels. I try to plan day to day and teach like it is a siege and it doesn’t go all that well. I don’t know how I become one of these teachers that was talked about on this hour long generally up lifting but for me, a member of this “MOVEMENT,” it was disheartening. I am not living up to the gold standard and that is not something that I am okay with. I am thinking and trying the things that I know how to try but there is a limit, and I think my limit is turning out to be to low to make the kind of changes and do the kind of work that is needed. But I am going to go in tomorrow and we will see what happens then.

Today except for last period was very good. My kids came in a settled down for some odd reason. Tomorrow I am going to try to let my kids do something a little more and we will have to wait and see if it works but I am hoping that I can have another day like today. I don’t know exactly how to get there. Planning tonight being awake and ready for tomorrow and hoping that the stars align once more.

Date:	2006-11-12 18:27
Subject:	3-day weekend
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

This weekend is a three day weekend and I am not sick or overly exhausted (mainly because I chose not to manage my classroom this week) and so I am hopeful that it will be a productive one. Up and to this point I have done some really great things like pick up my room (it is at the walkable/cleaner stage, no clothes and piles of things that I need to really look at and think about but probably will not get to because I feel empty when there aren’t large nondescript piles of papers and what not for me to go through at some undetermined date and time) and find resources to help with the classroom meetings that I am going to try to have with my students about all the craziness that is my classroom. I have a poem to open class and survey to end the survey. I am hopeful that having a mediator and someone to come into my classroom and help me hold these discussions will make them ore meaningful and possible, this week I also have to finish up mixtures and do all that is and atoms before they take science benchmarks on the Monday that follows. Then the rest of the week before thanksgiving I am going to devote to science fair. I really shouldn't and should spend a lot of time going back and re-teaching all the things that they really didn't understand but from what I can see after the benchmark we are moving out of the world of physical chemistry and onto geology and earth science so I am going to use this as a opportunity to start over. Introduce some tracking and goal initiatives with my kids (I hope). Here is the sad and really disappointing thing I say this and then it is not that likely to happen. I spend too much time in introspection and discussion and lack of clarity and confidence. That the most impressive thing to e as I go through this process, how important confidence is. My students know when I am unsure and they don't care to pretend not to see it or let me punt. I am good at punting but my students can see right through it and have no mercy for such wishy-washiness. I have to believe and feel that everything that is going on is right all the time fore it to work for the students that I teach and I don't feel that way about almost anything and so it is a point of real growth for me as I try to become a teacher.


So Goals for my Monday and the rest of this evening:( Read more... )

The best thing is for whatever reason this is just reality and what I need to do and what I need to spend more time being proactive about and right now it is not creating an unusual amount of stress for me it just is today and rightly now which is really interesting and something that I hope continues to allow me to increase my effectiveness and decrease the amount of time that I have to spend thinking about it and just mulling as I so often do.

Date:	2006-11-06 14:28
Subject:	Wasting Time
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank

I should be writing a paper and resting seeing as I stayed home from work but I did this instead.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
North Central
The West
Boston
The Inland North
The South
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

I am going to take my first sick day tomorrow. I have been sick since Wednesaday and should have done a lot of work this weekend but spent most of my time in bed or on our new sofa. I could go to school tomrrow but I have a paper to write and I will do that tomorrow durring my day off. Today I have done a lot of grading and looked at what is coming up between now and Thanksgiving. It is interesting that I have to take a day. If I worked in a office I culd go into work no problem and do all that I need to.. But I cannot yell (speak at a high volume), or maintain the high level of energy that is necessary to deal with 8th graders given the management skills that I have at this point.

So here is to my first sick day and hopefully the only one for a good long time.

Date:	2006-10-22 17:21
Subject:	life
Security:	Public
Mood:	complacent

This past week was more than hard and really disappointing for me in many ways. I really don’t work as hard as I ought to for my kids or for myself. I am discovering I really move too slowly for almost everything. I have to sit and think about most things for much longer than I should given all that I have to do in a day or week or even just an hour. But at the same time I say this I am not really doing anything to change it I am just continue in my same manner. I sit, think -- mull over life and all that it is for me and then try in the last few hours of my waking to really do something. (I also spend too much time at the end of the day just sitting in my classroom is a state of OMG) Then by the end of the week I taught class like my kids were paying attention. I had a lesson planed and followed it as if all my kids were with me (which was certainly not the case). I just didn’t care and that was hard but ultimately I am so glad that I went to school on Friday because I had seriously contemplated not going in, that would have made Monday just as hard or harder. One interesting milestone has passed. I am passed October 19th this is the day of the year that the highest number of first year teacher quit. While it may only be the 22nd it is still something to be mildly pleased about.

My kids are not getting behaviorally better. I scream, dance, try to give incentives for quiet. Work hard toward have a very structured class period where they know from the moment that they walk in that there is something for them to do and it really isn’t working and that is something that I am really going to have to change. I know how I have to be more consistent call more parents and just have a week of accepting nothing. This is hard for me. I like to compromise avoid conflict whenever possible and it is not good for my kids or for me. As one girl likes to say, "Mr. You just aren't a threat" But I am not stressed this week. It is short and they are taking a test one day and I have a great PowerPoint for another day. Thursday is only a half day and Friday is only PD (no kids!). It is funny I like individual students, not particular students just students individually. My problem is 30 at the same time! But We are starting a new chapter this week and I am going to try to be more consistent and spend more time creating engaging opportunities for my students to learn rather than just have them do book work and work through reading strategies that I am learning.

On a separate note, I really enjoyed my Saturday graduate school class this week. I really feel like there is a lot to get out of it and that makes it so meaningful even if most of what I am given is something that I cannot implement...yet, but hopefully someday that won't be the case.

I am trying to sort through all of my mail at the moment and find the whole thing utterly amusing. First all my loans would make all my friends in Germany die. They really had a hard time with the whole American loan/credit system, and I am now starting to get there. But I still think this opportunity to receive a degree from UPENN is one that I cannot pass up. Time will tell; there is still ample time for revision.

Date:	2006-10-16 21:41
Subject:	School
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

Today I had so many paper balls at the end of the day that I filled two trash cans and then had an nice ring around the cans on the floor.

I had a meeting with a veteran teacher after school and ended up says in that if I had had the day that I had today on my first day there I don't know that I would still be there. But the funny thing is I had two good periods. Tomorrow starts testing and my week will be very odd because of it. I will only see one class on twice this week and other classes 5 times and I don't know how to keep them all on the same page. But it is a battle for the week.

Date:	2006-10-09 21:52
Subject:	Another Week
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

So it is back to school tomorrow for another week in the the classroom. This week we will be learning about gases and changes in state. But first we will be spending a day talking about the new rules in the classroom and then how so many people are failing not because they cannot do well but because they are missing assignments. It should prove to be a fun week but we will have to wait and see waht it really brings.

The start of a new week brings the chance of something really great but then also the fact that it will probably be another week of yelling and hoping for just a moment or two of real work among hours of crazy.

Date:	2006-09-24 21:36
Subject:	Teaching
Security:	Public
Mood:	uncomfortable

So I have been teaching now for a little less than 2 weeks. It is crazy the kids are crazy and I have really no idea what I am doing or how it is supposed to work, or really my purpose behind doing it. But tomorrow will start another week of teaching. This week we will be learning about physical and chemical changes. It could be fun, and I hope that I can make it fun but really right now I just wish that they would sit, and be realativly quiet.

I don't know what to say. There are so many things that I should be doing better, and putting more time into things; that I shouldn't spend so much time obsessing over and other things that I really need to notice. I need to be more organized, confident, ready to deal and less talkative and introsepctive. But who knows each week brings something new. Some insight some bit of hope or fun or surprize. I am trying and will continue to improve, I hope.

I am now an teacher for the Philadelphia School District. No school yet but I will be teaching middle years (7th or 8th grade) science.

Date:	2006-09-06 23:09
Subject:	A Hard Change
Security:	Public
Mood:	uncomfortable

Over the past 36 hours I have been dealing with a lot of turmoil. I am too tired at this point to go through it all but the end result, by no choice of my own, is I am now going to be teching and doing all things associated in Philly. I am no longer a Camden Corps Member and will not be getting a job in Camden City. Tomorrow I start the process of making the switch to teaching middle school (7th or 8th grade) at some school in Philly.

Date:	2006-09-03 23:15
Subject:	A Nothing Update
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

So the Good Dog was very good. I liked the burger very much (they even would cook it medium rare, which is hard to find these days (yes I know risking my life with mad cow and other beef diseases). I also very much liked the sweet potato french fries. It was a bot funny because we went there for lunch but it didn’t open till 4 so we had 2 hours to kill and ended up in a rather divie place that was a lot of fun and had $1.25 chili-dogs.

I went to Mass at the Camden Cathedral. I don't know what I think about that community there it will require another go round before I decide if it is where I might like to settle in or not.

Today was nice. All of a sudden it stopped raining and we had really great weather today mostly sunny yet still cool. It was a great day for our neighborhood block party which I was very pleased to get to be a part of. We took fruit salad. There was (I thought) a very nice number of people there bu the end and there really are just all kinds of people living in my neighborhood. It was one of the most diverse areas I have ever experienced. We have so many people on different paths; it was great fun to get to meet a few of them even if I was not as social as I might ought to have been.

Tomorrow is a holiday. For me it is more of the same sit and wait but I can"T hope for a call or anything since everyone will be at home as I am perpetually these days. So I will maintain my vigil.

Date:	2006-09-02 13:03
Subject:	Sitting and Waiting
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

Well life in Jersey is in general rather uneventful at this point. I am unemploied which is fun but they say I could get a job any day which for my own reasons keeps me close to home and without a lot of momentum to do different things that I might need/want to do (like finsih putting thisng away in my new room). But today will be a good day. I am going to what is toauted as the best burger place in all of Philly I will let people know what it is that I think about it. Thne tonight a friend is having a few people over and that should be a good time. So today is the ausnahme is my week I have more to do than go to the grociery or the post office I am excited and looking forward to my day despite the chill, wet and wind.

I had a great two weeks back in KY and have made the drive back up to NJ. I have thrown (quite literally) all of my stuff in my room and now I think I am going to call it a night.

Date:	2006-07-29 11:05
Subject:	Finished
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank

Institute is over and I have spent the morning in my new house with my house mates. I am back at Temple to do final check out and look over the room one more time. Tonight I hop on a bus and will be back in KY by tomorrow morning.

There are two days in Institute left. I have made it through most of the stress and nearly all the hurtles. Today my kids took their final tests for the summer form. I don’t know how they did and while I feel good about the summer I know there is more that I could have done to really get them better prepared for these tests. But I think the exciting and daunting thing about the job that I have taken is there is always something that you could have doe better for your kids. This while sad because perfect doesn't exist, it also leaves tomorrow as a real possibility for new, innovative, and impactful.

Tomorrow we are reading a great book, Math Curse and really taking it easy the last 2 days. Friday we will learn how to best cut a sheet cake in math. :)

I am taking Greyhound for the first time on Saturday evening to head back to Kentucky for the first time since I left late August of the year prior. I have a great row house in Camden that I will be picking the keys up to tomorrow and I am in no way ready to move into this place or even really thinking about it in any real sense. Life is good and now manageably busy. The Hiring freeze in Camden has been lifted so the slight fear about job placement is gone and now it is just when will I know and where will I be going next on this new wild and crazy ride of mine.